people are starting to question the shark bite story
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
