We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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