the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
