i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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