You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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