Michael Bay diarrhea
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
