Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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