I think my fart just growled at me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
