I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't think brook has ever known best
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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