Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
