I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
