saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
