New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
