I looked at my own cervix.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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