So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
