There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
