You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
