I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
