We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
