love makes seman taste better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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