U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
