Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
