The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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