he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
