1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
