some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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