yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
