in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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