Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
