careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
