Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
