i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
