Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
