How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
