Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
