During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
