just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
