dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
