if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
