omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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