I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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