you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
