so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
