I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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