I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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