Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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