i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
