we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
