And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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