Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
