only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
