You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
