maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
