YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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