i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
