Im at strip club and am horny
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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