let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
